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the heart’s response to “it is that deep”
“Parents fight — my gut reacts. Fascists get elected — my gut reacts. The magnitude rarely differs. The severity is usually paramount. […] That is why I feel bewildered when onlookers of my high-strung dismay dare to tell me It’s Not That Deep. How can nothing affect you so viscerally? How can you watch your…
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Grand Old Jack | Spelling it Out #1
What’s Grand Old Jack? I recently submitted my poem Grand Old Jack to citizen trans* project, which highlights trans and gender non-conforming people’s responses to living in These Unprecedented Times. This piece was first drafted in January, just before I became bedridden for a week and ended up writing a thicc multi-paragraph prose piece that…
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my gut reaction to “it’s not that deep”
I have this sense for when something really bad or otherwise monumental is happening, or about to happen. I can feel the cortisol shoot through my gut. My hands yearn to claw dirt, my feet clench. It’s that bungee plunge that never returns. It’s always powerful, never preventable. It paralyzes me — and often, I…
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reflection of a reflection of a projection
In my first-year actors’ showcase, all the way back in 2020, everyone picked a word they wanted their solo performance to reflect. Accompanied by the published poems or monologues of our choice, each combination of Word and Words Recited was key to providing the audience insight to every newest member of the acting program. My…
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“I was critiquing my words and I am losing my religion” | notes from my laptop
Date: June 23, 2024 So yeah I understand how monks and shit will be celibate because they don’t want their bodies “tainted” with other people’s energy. I certainly don’t want my body to be “tainted” either. That’s not the right wording for what I feel it is, but that’s the wording I’ve got currently. It…
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when your body reminds you of the score: a notes app history in three acts
act one: the paper cut Date: 11/22/2024, 10:39 PM Trauma violently reshapes who you are without giving you a manual explaining how you’ve changed. You need to relearn who you are through vicious trial and error. And just when you think you’ve finished writing out your own manual by hand, wrist ligaments cracking and knuckles…
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new Pop-Pop POV just dropped: a sister responds
After reading “understanding my patriarchs: part one, probably“, my younger sister was inspired to write about her own understanding of our grandfather. She asked if I could post it here, and I was honored and thrilled at the implications of having the first guest post on this site be such an insightful piece as hers.…
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understanding my patriarchs: part one, probably
It’s hard for me to be candid about my extended family members. Overall, I’ve been undeniably lucky, and I’m grateful for what went well during my development. But I must also address what did not go well, and why it’s relevant to The State Of Things today. My father’s parents are well-meaning and generally pleasant,…
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regarding the state of things: a half-essay, half-rant
When I write, I usually choose my words wisely and carefully, curating each syllable to best represent my intentions. I’m grateful that such a skill was instilled in my upbringing. It’s time-consuming to write like that, though, and unfortunately, we live in a time of urgency. Also, perhaps unfortunately, honesty can be unpleasant and un-careful.…
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