I’m constantly in a state of rediscovering myself but I don’t want to let that get in the way of all the self knowledge I’ve gained by being here as I am
How do I let the past versions of myself coexist with the future ideals of myself I want to birth?
Commentary
Something about the new year invokes this existentialist side of me. Around time-dictated milestones like this, after I think these big ideas about alchemizing who I am, I come back down to earth and wonder, “what even is the point?”
“Why bother changing? The world will continue on, and I will continue on, and changes are inevitable. It’s naïve to try to change yourself for the better. You’re just going to change.”
Is it defeatist or is it grounding to remind myself that “good” is subjective?
Why can’t I just say fuck it and be whoever, and whatever, I am? Morality has no place in the equation – as soon as it does, I set myself up for failure.
I am a whole human being: I fuck up sometimes, and I make the conscious effort every day to make choices that serve me. I can’t afford to live completely in service of the humble Id. The Ego needs some love, too.