My room has good vibes (as in people just say they like the vibes in my room) because my things have meaning (as opposed to aesthetic purpose/its owners are otherwise apathetic about a thing)
Endowing objects for acting is literally putting vibes (energy) into that object. The meaning is the energy
My things have that good energy, or most of them do (I attach sentiment to so much)
I’m so fucking high I NEED this to make sense in the morning
Later:
I know I said it as a throwaway to myself earlier today, but I REALLY AM a reflection of everyone!!! I said it in like an actor sense, but no!! Everyone I come across, they rub off on me. I am quite literally a mirror, and it shows in everything I own. Blanket? A gift. Bed? From dad’s house. All the lamps and doodads and posters and door decorations — it shows that someone has had an impact on my life and I thought it worthy of being remembered. So I reflect what I want other people to remember. I reflect what I love about other people and therefore myself!!! All the skulls, my collected post-show treasures, my calendar, the hand-crafted pieces, it’s all what I love best about the world. And it’s all related to home.
Commentary
Not to blow smoke up my own ass, but what I’ve written here is just as accurate now in September as it was in June. I continue to be a reflection of the people around me. What I have yet to uncover is whether or not this tendency to mirror is a substitute for cultivating one singular, unshifting identity under which I am forced to fit. As far as I’m concerned, being able to reflect others’ nature IS a valid part of my identity, nebulous though it may be. And, as an artist, being able to understand life through varied perspectives can only round me out further.
Lately I’ve been embracing newness in the form of small experiences, and they have been nothing but beneficial to me.
I’m trying new foods, not necessarily because I’m curious about how they’ll taste, but because they were made by someone I love, and I want to know what tastes like home to them. I’m watching new media, not because I sought it out myself, but because someone I love wanted to share it with me, and so we watch it together (and I end up really enjoying it!).
I’m more willing to engage with things I don’t readily understand or care about, because I’m able to recognize that someone cares about it. This has been a missing puzzle piece within me, and I think what helps to explain it is western culture’s emphasis on individualism. The “what’s in it for me?” mindset plagues us all at times, but I can say life feels so much more fulfilling when I don’t care about potential personal benefits to be had from interacting with other people. The human experience dies once it becomes transactional.
As with most introspection, this (one-sided) conversation will have to be left open-ended. My opinion will likely evolve once I’ve lived more life. I just need to be patient.
Read my previous notes app entry here.